I can’t keep my hands off my cats. Thankfully, they’re pretty snuggly, but most of the time it’s on their terms. I don’t get to pick and choose when I get the cuddles, and I sure don’t have an option as to which body part I can touch. I don’t give up, though … I just have to wait until my Cosmo and Phoebe are sleeping to have my way with them.

1. Belly

I know some people live with cats who enjoy having their bellies rubbed. Sadly, I am not one of those people. I try because, of course, my cats’ bellies are highly touchable, and they flaunt their midsections like big ol’ furry teases. This is totally not cool, kitties. When I do go in for the belly rub while a cat’s awake, I’m just asking for a giant rabbit kick to the arm. Believe me — I have the scars to prove my bad judgment.

I can, however, have free reign with kitty belly if my cats are dead asleep. I can’t do it if they’re kinda-sorta asleep — they have to be sawing mondo logs. Then I can let my hand rest in the luxury of the bunny-like fur. It’s a little slice of heaven, I tell ya. I especially savor the tummy time with Cosmo because of his jiggly lower belly and “man panties” triangular goodness. Gettin’ jiggy wit Cosmo’s belly is of my favorite things in the whole wide world.

2. Toes

I think all the world’s problems could be solved if everyone spent a little up-close-and-personal time with kitty toes. I mean, for real. The paw pads are works of art, and don’t even get me started with the little tufts of fuzz that peek from between each toe. Some cats have way more toe fuzz than others. My sweet Saffy (R.I.P.) had so much toe fur that I called her feet her “slippers.” They were mad fuzzy.

Despite my frequent efforts, Cosmo and Phoebe have yet to allow me to have my way with their tootsies while they’re wide awake. Maybe they’re ticklish? Or perhaps they just don’t want their feet touched. I know humans who have a hands-off policy with their feet, so I get it. Once my cats are sleeping, though, those four sets of toes are fair game.

3. Haunches

Phoebe’s haunches are to die for! She’s a calico-tabby mix, so there are plenty of stripes, bits of white, and magical orange spots that I like to call “pumpkin patches.” There’s one right at the top of one of her haunches, and it’s perhaps the softest fur I’ve ever felt. I zero in on that patch when it’s visible; however, Phoebe doesn’t think my fascination with the haunch is quite so endearing. When I try to make haunch contact, I usually find myself in another rabbit-kick situation.

If I catch Phoebe sleeping in the perfect position, that haunch is open for business and I’m the first customer in line. I gently run my fingers through the softness, and I sometimes bury my face in the “pumpkin patch.” I know — I’m weird, but so are you.

4. Nose

Cosmo’s black nose looks like someone dragged a little paintbrush of white paint straight up the bridge of it. It’s not a perfectly straight line, but I think it’s adorable. I like running my index finger from the top of his nose pad all the way up to the top of the bridge. It’s so smooth! Mind you, he tolerates none of my nose-related shenanigans while he’s awake.

While my sweet boy’s crashed, my finger goes straight up his nose. No — not like that. I’m weird, but not that weird.

5. Mouth

Kitty mouths are highly kissable. I know some of you don’t agree with that, so it’ll have to be an instance of “agree to disagree.” Mostly I smooch my cats on the “cheek” where the whiskers live, but I’m not at all adverse to laying one straight on the kisser.

Occasionally I can lean in for a kiss while Phoebe and Cosmo or awake, but they aren’t at all pleased with my advances. I try my hardest to wait until they’re crashed, and them I steal as many kisses as I can before the stink eye wakes up and shuts down my operation.

What parts of your cats are off-limits while they’re awake? Tell us in the comments!